"Life could be better if I let me in, but I force myself towards departing"

There’s always that nagging voice in the back of your head that you can never get to shut up. No matter how hard you try, you somehow can’t avoid it. That little voice is always feeding you negative thoughts, words, and feelings about yourself. As someone once said, “but the thing about negativity is it stands out from the good.” I find this statement to be true.

High school is the precursor to the beginning of the rest of our lives. Whether it’s going to college, the military, straight into the workforce, whatever; if you don’t at least attempt to figure out who you are, it’s guaranteed that you’ll have trouble later on. For those people like me, who struggle to voice their opinion and take a backseat to everything, figuring out who you are is definitely difficult.

All my life I moved from place to place. I was never in one place for more than 5 years. So it was hard to settle in and try to make friends, knowing that it wasn’t going to last. I’ve always tried my best to make friends and figure out myself wherever I was, and it didn’t end well. I would always try to conform and fit in with the people around me. Like the old saying you can’t fit a square into a circle, that was essentially what I was doing for the first 3 years of high school.

Remember that voice in your head I mentioned before? Those negative thoughts roaming around your head all day long? That voice got continually louder and louder each year until I decided to do something about it. It was senior year, I was taking classes that I actually enjoyed, I was graduating. My group of friends slowly but surely began to distance as we were planning our futures for ourselves. It came time for me to focus on myself and what I wanted versus how to fit in with people that I wasn’t going to be seeing anymore. Once I realized this, the transformation started to take place. I decided to take on more responsibility and get involved. As I started focusing on myself, the voice got quieter and quieter.

From doing this, I feel I’ve learned quite a bit about myself. I’m not as much of a wallflower as I thought I was. I actually like being around people and getting involved and doing things. Being in the background and letting opportunities pass me by was no longer my forte. I’m in college now, this can’t happen anymore. I’d be wasting my time if I let this happen. College is a chance to focus on yourself and do things for you that will help you get farther in the future.

I find the strategy of doing things for myself can help me in college by actively taking part in activities, clubs, and other events. If I’m doing something productive with my time , I won’t be so focused on the nagging voice in the back of my head.